The Department for Education has announced controversial plans to phase in £9,000 a year ‘tuition fees’ for children attending primary school.

Michael Gove, the education minister led the announcement by saying that the changes were crucial in his plans for creating ‘internationally-competitive primary schools’ with would ‘attract the world’s brightest and best four-year olds’. The minister also said that the plans were being driven by the realisation that the government could no longer afford to ‘bankroll’ primary education.

School by Barbro Uppsala

The fees, which are to be modelled on the successful University system, will be loaned to four-year olds at inflation-level rates and paid back over the individual’s working life, or paid upfront by those children who can afford it.

Mr Gove described how his measures would help overcome the ‘piggie-bank culture’ which led to most children hoarding their savings rather than spending them ‘getting the economy back on track’.

As part of the shakeup, children will be given more choice in deciding which primary school to attend, with better primary schools being allowed to expand to take on extra capacity, while underperforming ones will have their funding reduced.

“Children will be given more choice, at the most important stage in their educational life”, said Mr Gove, ultimately allowing them to make ‘the big decision’ on whether school was the right route for them at all.  Mr Gove went on to describe how the DoE would work closely with coal mines and chimney sweeping firms to create ‘internship schemes’ for those children who decided that school wouldn’t be the right route for them.

The teacher’s union NUT, were strongly against the changes saying that most children ‘can’t decide what they want for lunch, let alone education.’

Meanwhile, ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair – who contentiously introduced University tuition fees in 2002 – backed the plans saying, “education fees, education fees, education fees.”

However the majority of parents were strongly against the decision, despite one parent, a ‘Mr Barclays’, remarking that he though the new funding would be a ‘bonus’ for the economy.

Four-year olds themselves seemed split on the decision, with one interviewed kid whining, “mummy, I want to go home…” – indicating that perhaps school wouldn’t be the right choice for them. Another student, Ben Tham, said, “this is another frightening example of the ruling elite’s neo-Dickensian agenda, which will roll back the educational equalities that have been fought for over generations.”

Mr Gove said that the earliest the fees would be brought in was 2016, but conceded he couldn’t be sure as he was still learning to count.

5 thoughts on “Primary school ‘tuition fees’ to be introduced

  1. You cant be serious, right? Just think about it.. thats £63,000 of debt these kids have to pay back before they even reach secondary school?? Then no doubt, secondary school will have tuition fees.. the same or more.. making that another £45,000 (minimum) for secondary education.. and then if schools are demanding tuition fees, college will too.. thats over £100k before a child leaves home..
    How can you put that stress on a 4 year old??? My daughter starts school in 2013 and now, if this does go ahead, im going to have to tell her what shes got to deal with.. AND education is compulsary so we are forcing our children into debt and loans so the government can sort out the drama they caused in the first place!!
    I am disgusted!! This better now be happening because no sane parent will send their children into school, knowing what theyre causing to their childrens future!!
    I bet all you people who voted for the conservative party are kicking yourselves!!

    • Jasmine – it’s a satire comedy article taking the mick out of the logic behind the government’s attitude to education. Perhaps it should be more clearly marked as so.

  2. Lol I thought this was real to begin with and was about to start spreading the six little words rumour about Gove “Don’t you think he looks tired?” (Dr Whio reference there).

    This would have made a great April 1st article. Well done.

  3. This is a great initiative by DOE. By Allowing children from coal mines and chimney sweeping firms,we can actually be able to build a system where every one has a unique opportunity to live their life. The most important thing to do after this is strict monitoring of these scheme and involvement of parents also.

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