Renowned medical experts have just confirmed ‘Miss Scarlott Crow’ as Britain’s first home-grown case of LETHAL WOLF FLU. The virus was initially detected last week in an illegal Romanian immigrant and a French truck-driver. Although neither has yet died, or showed any such indications, the experts at the Daily Mail have forewarned that this TERRIFYING transgenic infection – believed to have been contracted via a feral Romanian child – is likely to sweep this county as a rampaging PANDEMIC. As such, it is on course to kill at least 200 million people here in the UK alone.
This ALARMING infection comes on the back of the equally nightmarish avian and swine flu, which ravaged and crippled Britain at some point.
“I couldn’t go outside without seeing swine flu everywhere,” recalled one dishevelled onlooker, “It was plastered on TVs, billboards, leaflets and newspapers. It was totally unbearable.”
The Prime Minister has again vowed to act quickly to prevent a catastrophe, “I won’t stand by whilst another British citizen ‘cries Wolf-Flu’. Costs alone will not prevent this situation from getting out of my hand. As such, my chief medical advisors, Dr. Riche (BigPhil) and Prof. Smithklean (MaD) have already ordered enough vaccines to cover our entire population of 500 million.”
Although such necessary impulsive actions were broadly welcomed, many fear the virus could mutate further. “We already saw previously how swine flu quickly mutated from ‘mild’ to ‘dangerous’ to ‘pandemic’, in the British press alone,” citied flu expert, Dr. Sellmuchs of the Daily Mail. “I am certain Wolf Flu has the potential to become even more hideously transformed.”
Dr Sellmuchs concluded by saying, “to discover if Wolf Flu does mutate, and to keep abreast of regional infection rates, make sure you regularly run down to your local newsagents and buy a copy of the Daily Mail, with the other wheezing middle-agers.”