In a bizarre – but in Michael Jackson’s case, normal – twist of events, the recently-deceased megastar has vowed to continue entertaining eager crowds for 50 nights.

A voicemail message, left on Prince William’s mobile shortly before the star’s premature departure, was luckily intercepted by the ever-diligent journalists at The News of the World. In the telephone call, Jackson – who feared for his failing health – explained from the relaxing confines of his hyperbaric chamber, his wish to provide fans with ‘50 nights of newspaper gossip’, should he die.

He went on to say, “I’m an artist and I’ve been working on this material for my whole life. I want everybody to enjoy my work – this is it.” He then went on to cite the great lengths he’d persistently reached to make the world a more entertaining place; the skin bleaching, the pet-monkey, the numerous illicit children, dancing with the bones of the Elephant Man, his many noses, the dodgy doctor, and of course, his frequent young acquaintances; “I’ve put in everything,” said the King of Pop.

Oddly, it appears the phone call was actually meant for Jackson’s son, ‘Prince’, but it’s believed MJ was so high at the time that he accidentally misdialled the wrong number.

Nevertheless, die-hard fans have been thrilled with the vindication of the incessant media babble; “I find all these stories fascinating,” said a certain P. Pan, “He was a very close friend of mine, but I never realised his nose could come off too.” Newspaper proprietors have similarly announced they will keep up the relentless pace and ‘not stop until you’ve had enough.’

“At this difficult time, the most important thing is that people keep buying his music,” said happy music-store owner, Mr. E. Presley. “But not too many mind. We don‘t want any all-time records broken.” Questions have been raised about the authenticity of the phone call, but The News of the World have vehemently attacked such criticisms, saying they ‘always print the truth.’

The paper has also been staunchly defended by fellow hack Max Clifford who said, “Michael was a great personal friend of mine and this is definitely what he would have wanted. And if you aren’t happy about that, then why don’t you just go and write a blog about it?”


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